you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Randomize
