Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
