Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
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I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
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I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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