On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
