The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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