My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
