You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
he puts the penis in happiness.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
