I saw his package. It spoke to me.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Randomize
