I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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