Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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