I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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