Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
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