Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
