I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
