I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
