Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
