i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
