That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Randomize
