Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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