remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
