I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
