just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
