just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
this hospital has no fireball
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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