No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
