I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
