My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
a search helicopter?!
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
