Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize
