That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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