my mouth tastes like poor choices
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
