Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
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