My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
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