Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
