he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize