Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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