nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
