Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
