some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
