he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
