i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
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