my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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