Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Randomize
