Yo dont text me then not text me
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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