The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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