last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize