um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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