my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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