Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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