Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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