Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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