The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize