Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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