so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Randomize
