You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Randomize
