I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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