I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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