I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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