I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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