u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
