Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Randomize
