Who wears a wallet chain?!
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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