after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I'd cum for enchiladas.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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