i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Randomize
