These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
