you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
