You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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