I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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