I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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