Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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