im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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