Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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