you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
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