Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
