well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
