I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
