I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
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