Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
he's single and there are thong briefs.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize