Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
