The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
